Keep P2P as the default for small rooms — that’s most servers most of the time and the no-extra-infra story is genuinely valuable for self-hosters.
[I] went mediasoup, built into Haven, after all. The two things that pushed my plan above toward LiveKit are gone now. It runs on one port instead of a whole range, and it downloads a ready-made build instead of compiling anything.
While the code is a slop hodgepodge, Haven is currently the only Discord clone I have found that makes it easy to selfhost; no extra open port except 443 80, single docker container, no extra database.
Website: https://haven-app.com/
You make a point on federation but Haven does allow you to login using sso from your own server.
I guess it’s also about what you need, for a small server for a 3-12 friends it works fine where alternatives are total overkill to selfhost.